I Just Don’t Know… 

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When is the last time that you were really at the end of yourself? I mean, so totally and completely that the end that you just weren’t sure where to turn, what to do, where to go, or what to say. Well, I’m in that place at the moment. I can’t help but wonder if this is what Daniel felt when king Darius had him thrown into the lion’s den. We can imagine Daniel to be strong and trusting of God; but what would it be like to sit in the dark in a damp stinky dungeon and listen to the heavy breathing of the lions as they lick their lips knowing that it’s you that they hunger for as their next snack. 

I can’t say as His child why God allows these situations. Maybe to test our faith, maybe to stretch and deepen our trust, but thinking and hearing those things doesn’t make it easier. 

 

Where is He when His promises in scripture seem to be more of a taunt and tease than comfort? Where is He when others words echoing God’s goodness, grace, blessings, and promises are founded on biblical principles but seem to be hollow to us as we watch those around us taking their gifts from Him for granted and ignoring us entirely as we suffer alone in silence? What does it say when He gives us words to comfort and encourage others and in those moments, we’re not sure if we even know His goodness and lovingkindness for ourselves? Are we hypocrites? Have we been thrown into the rubbish bin because we’re too broken or too much work for Him to fix?  

These are all things that I wonder in my own life. These are things that I struggle with and why I weep when I see others hurting. This is what keeps my heart raw and tender to others who are struggling around me. 

No matter what, I cannot deny Father God, Jesus His Son, and His Sweet Holy Spirit. I MUST trust Him, drag myself up and crawl, scrape, and scratch my way forward if I have to just to keep going. Even when I’m crying out for all I’m worth to Him and nothing happens and I’m deafened by His silence I must try to move forward down this path He set before me even when it’s dark, cold, so very lonely, and I can hear the licking of lips all around me as if something is waiting to devour my flesh.  

 

This time, I don’t have any answers. This time my posting scripture seems hollow and weak; and doesn’t bring much comfort at all. However, in these times we need to hold on to these things with every ounce of our strength. 

 

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“For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him.” Colossians 1:16 

 

“God is not a man, that He should lie, 

Nor a son of man, that He should repent. 

Has He said, and will He not do? 

Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?” Numbers 23:19 

 

“Then to Him was given dominion and glory and a kingdom, 

That all peoples, nations, and languages should serve Him. 

His dominion is an everlasting dominion, 

Which shall not pass away, 

And His kingdom the one 

Which shall not be destroyed.” Daniel 7:14 

 

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” Hebrews 13:8 

 

“…the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” James 1:17b 

 

Father God, You are too glorious and wonderful for us to ever fathom. We thank You and praise You! You are too majestic and powerful for us to ever know but a tiny bit of Your greatness. All honor belongs to You! 

I bow at Your feet with a broken heart and a crushed spirit wearing the ashes of my humility. As Job replied to You in chapter 42, verse 2 I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you.”. Please forgive me for questioning You and speaking from my own ignorance.  

Father, like myself there are many of my brothers and sisters who need to see Your hand at work for us today and to feel the warmth and light of Your glorious face shining upon us. Please be merciful to us and gracious with us and show us Your lovingkindness and the goodness of Your glorious riches of Your great blessings and gifts. Pour out Yourself on us today, help us up, clean and heal our wounds, and give us the strength and desire to carry on down the paths that You have set before us. Please God, honor this blessing for all of us today. Lord bless us and keep us. Shine Your glorious face upon us, and be gracious to us. God of hope, lift up Your countenance upon us, show us Your favor, give us Your peace, and fill us with all joy and peace in believing, that we may abound in hope by the power of Your Holy Spirit. We pray these things in the name of Christ Jesus our Savior and King; AMEN!

 

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